Complete disaster

After a recent change, Jetpack makes my wp-admin unusably slow. With Jetpack disabled, admin pages load consistently in ~3–5s; with Jetpack enabled (Stats only, everything else off), the same admin pages commonly take ~15–20s. My server logs show Jetpack triggering multiple slow Jetpack REST/Stats requests (e.g., /wp-json/jetpack/v4/…) and PHP slow traces include Jetpack calling out via curl_exec() through Jetpack connection/stats code, consistent with wp-admin waiting on slow/timeout-prone outbound requests to WordPress.com. Disabling Jetpack immediately fixes the issue.